Leaving
By Degrees
(Profile of an Abusive Relationship)
Further
Threats and Intimidation
It
doesn't matter if you've been voted 'Mother of the Year',
had your home displayed in the
pages of 'Perfect Houskeeping Magazine', been recently
honored with the 'Most Virtuous'
title, work three jobs or what, an abuser will invariably
accuse their partner of certain things.
In actuality, these things are most likely character flaws
that they see in themselves, but
since they already have YOU to blame for everything (the
pattern of emotional/verbal abuse),
you'll get the accusations for their lack of character
as well.
Their old standbys seem to be:
-She's never worked a day in her life.
-She can't keep a clean house, the place is a pigsty and
unfit for anyone to live in,
_especially the kids.
-She has cheated on me from day one.
+ All of her boyfriends have molested the children too.
-She abuses, molests, beats, starves (or whatever) the
kids.
-I've had to take care of everything, she does nothing.
In other words, the abuser will end up looking like the
one who has been victimized by you!
Aside from these things, they may actually call Child
Protective Services and make the
same accusations. An abuser will use the courts and every
agency possible to intimidate
and harass you further. Why is this kind of harassment
allowed? Who knows.
When you hear your ex-partner say these things in court,
after having been sworn in, that is
probably the most painful point in your marriage. After
all, you just spent the past how many
years trying to be the best everything you could be and
your partner noticed none of it?
I recently attended a Sexual Violence Workshop given by
the renowned Roy Hazelwood,
who is an FBI profiler. After hearing his lecture, it
became obvious. The profile of the typical
Emotional/Verbal Abuser is no different in nature than
the Physical Abuser or even the
Sexual Abuser. They objectify their victims. You are just
a thing to them and how you feel
is not of any consequence. That's how your partner can
sit there on the stand, under oath
and say those horrible and vindictive things that have
absolutely no basis in truth.
Just be brave and remember, your partners mind is askew
and they're actually talking about
themselves most likely. Unfortunately though, most judges
don't realize that.
However, hopefully you are reading this before you go
into court and you can prepare.
Remember, whatever accusations your partner states in
court are a matter of public record.
So now, the verbal and emotional abuse is a matter of
court record and all you need to do is
prove it false. That your partner verbally and emotionally
abused you, in sworn testimony -
under oath, is there for all the world to see.
Next:
The Abuser in
Court
Leaving By Degrees, By: Sky W Cockrum. copyright
© 2004,
All
Rights Reserved
http://www.doveproject.org
Don't
condemn the woman who goes back.
Celebrate the woman who manages to escape.
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Sky's The Limit Initiative
copyright
© 2002-2004, Dale Emshoff and Sky W Cockrum
The Wolf Group USA / Sweden
