Holly, stretching toward freedom

I am in a moderately abusive relationship, and I have been working at getting free for a while now. I took the test on your site, and based on that, my husband was way more abusive several months ago than he is now.

I have found a wonderful group of pastors and a church that is online out of Fort Worth, Eagle Mountain International Church. I have heard them say just recently that a dear friend of the pastor's family just got out of a ten year abusive relationship involving alcohol, and that the lady was happily married now to a different man, one who is kind and gentle. They are all very happy for her. I have been listening to them and going up to Ft. Worth when I can and I have been strengthened by their teachings. Empowered to stand up for myself and my kids.

The catalyst for my recent ability to do this has been finding out who I am in Christ, and how much God loves me. Things that I never heard in the mainline churches. God loves us, Heidi, he doesn't want us to be abused. Isn't that wonderful?

I had always heard that if you married someone, that was it. If you decided later that you had made a terrible mistake, it was too bad. You were stuck and you had better make the best of your situation no matter what. Divorce was out of the question. Most of the churches I went to said they supported divorce in the case of physical abuse, but I don't know if that was true or not. My husband has never hit me, which would make it seem easier to get out. It's all verbal, but not name calling or anything like that. Just a lot of anger and yelling, things that don't sound like much, but years of it take their toll on everyone involved.

I have learned a lot over the last few years, most of it just in the last months. And one thing that I see clearly, in my marriage is that the abuser doesn't abuse outside of the home a lot of times. The only people that know what that person is really like are the people in the house. Outside people may never see it, including the victim's family and friends.

My husband turns it on and off like water. It's ridiculous. He is like an actor in a play. Take off one role and put on the other. In public, they are the most personable and people pleasing men you have ever wanted to know. Then when the abuse charge starts floating around, the public is standing around saying, but he is such a wonderful man, why would you say things like that about him?

Fortunately for me, my mother is a very strong woman. She sees through him like clear glass. My sister too. They are supporting me in my efforts, although they would prefer that I just throw him out on his butt and be done with it. I know they don't understand why I don't do just that, but they are willing to help me anyway, and give me the support and encouragement I need to keep getting stronger.

And I will continue to get stronger until I am able to overcome this situation and live in freedom. Thanks again for the website. It's great. Very freeing for women that have been oppressed by the churches that misrepresent our wonderful Heavenly Father that loves us more than anything.

Your sister in Christ,

Holly