Am I in an Abusive Relationship?
If you’ve ever wondered whether your relationship is unhealthy or abusive, you’re not alone. This page can help you understand what domestic violence is, recognize the warning signs, and learn about different types of abuse — emotional, financial, physical, and more. We also share guidance, safety planning resources, and information to help you decide what to do next.
What is Domestic Violence?
Domestic violence is a pattern of abusive behavior used to gain power and control over someone in an intimate relationship. Abuse isn’t always physical — it can be emotional, verbal, sexual, financial, or psychological.
While it’s most common to see domestic violence portrayed as affecting mostly women, it can also impact other vulnerable groups — including men, children, the elderly, LGBTQ+ individuals, and people with disabilities.
Did you know?
Nearly 44% of lesbian women and 26% of gay men have experienced rape, physical violence, or stalking by an intimate partner in their lifetime.
Source: Break the Cycle
Nearly 1 in 4 men (about 28.5%) in the U.S. have experienced some form of physical violence, sexual violence, or stalking by an intimate partner during their lifetime.
Source: National Domestic Violence Hotline
People with disabilities experience domestic and sexual violence at rates 2–3 times higher than those without disabilities.
Source: Disability Justice
It is estimated that over 15.5 million children in the U.S. are exposed annually to adult intimate partner violence( IPV at home, with young children making up the majority of exposed youth
Source: Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia CVP
About 1 in 3 women (about 35.6%) in the United States experience physical violence, sexual violence, or stalking by an intimate partner in their lifetime.
Source: National Domestic Violence Hotline
About 1 in 10 adults aged 60 and older in the U.S. experience some form of elder abuse each year, including physical abuse, emotional abuse, sexual abuse, neglect, or financial exploitation.
Source: Centers for Disease Control and Prevention
Recognizing the Warning signs
Abuse can take many forms and often involves a mix of behaviors aimed at gaining power and control over another person. Here are some common warning signs across different types of abuse:
Physical Abuse:
Injuries that don’t have clear explanations, being pushed, slapped, or grabbed roughly, feeling scared of your partner’s anger or physical outbursts.
Emotional Abuse:
Feeling worthless or constantly put down, hearing insults or name-calling regularly, being made to feel guilty or blamed for things that aren’t your fault.
Psychological Abuse:
Experiencing confusion or self-doubt after interactions, being manipulated or gaslighted, feeling trapped or like you’re “walking on eggshells.”
Financial Abuse:
Not being allowed to work, not having access to your own money, being forced to ask for funds, having bills or expenses controlled without your input.
Sexual Abuse:
Being pressured or forced into sexual acts against your will, feeling uncomfortable with physical intimacy but unable to say no, experiencing unwanted touching or coercion.
Why These Signs Matter
Recognizing the warning signs of abuse is the first step towards safety and healing. Abuse often starts subtlety and can escalate over time, making it hard to see from the inside. Understanding these signs will help you protect yourself.
Types of Abuse
Understanding these different types of abuse is an important step in recognizing unhealthy or dangerous relationships, and knowing help is available can keep you safe.
Physical Abuse
Physical abuse is one of the most recognizable forms of domestic violence and involves the intentional use of force to harm, intimidate, or control another person. This can include shoving, slapping, punching, kicking, choking, biting, burning, and the use of weapons to threaten or injure. It can also involve less obvious actions, like grabbing someone to prevent them from leaving, blocking doorways, restraining them, or throwing objects in anger.
Beyond the visible injuries — such as bruises, cuts, broken bones, or burns — physical abuse often leaves deeper, long-lasting effects. Survivors may experience anxiety, depression, chronic pain, health problems, or post-traumatic stress, or a mixture of one or more of these afflictions. Physical abuse rarely happens in isolation; it often goes hand-in-hand with emotional, psychological, or financial abuse as part of a broader effort to gain power and control over another person.
Emotional Abuse
Emotional abuse is a pattern of behaviors designed to undermine a person’s sense of self-worth, security, and independence. Unlike physical abuse, it doesn’t leave visible scars — but its impact can be deeply damaging and long-lasting. Emotional abuse can include constant criticism, belittling, name-calling, shaming, and humiliation. It can also involve more subtle tactics like gaslighting (making someone question their memory or sanity,) guilt-tripping, silent treatment, or intentionally ignoring the victim’s feelings and needs. These actions are used to manipulate, isolate, and control.
The consequences of emotional abuse can be profound. Victims often struggle with chronic anxiety, depression, feelings of worthlessness, and a loss of identity. It can erode self-confidence so severely that the person feels trapped and powerless to leave the relationship. Emotional abuse frequently occurs alongside other types of abuse — such as psychological, financial, or physical — as part of a broader pattern of power and control.
Psychological Abuse
Psychological abuse is another deeply harmful form of domestic violence aimed at breaking down a person’s mental and emotional strength. It involves deliberate tactics that manipulate a victim’s thoughts, beliefs, and perception of reality, often leaving them confused, anxious, and dependent on the abuser. Examples include gaslighting (making someone doubt their memory or sanity,) threats of harm or abandonment, extreme jealousy, possessiveness, constant monitoring, destroying valued belongings, or forcing isolation from friends and family. The goal is not only to frighten, but also to control and dominate every aspect of the victim’s life.
The effects of psychological abuse can be as serious and long-lasting as those caused by physical violence. Survivors may experience severe anxiety, depression, feelings of helplessness, loss of self-esteem, and even post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD.) What makes psychological abuse particularly devastating is its subtlety — victims may struggle to recognize it as abuse because there are no physical marks, and abusers often mix cruelty with affection, deepening the confusion.
Verbal Abuse
Verbal abuse is a form of emotional and psychological violence that uses words and language to hurt, degrade, and control another person. It often appears in the form of yelling, name-calling, mocking, constant criticism, insults, or humiliating comments aimed at breaking down the victim’s confidence and self-worth. Verbal abuse can also include more subtle tactics, like sarcastic remarks meant to belittle, dismissive comments that undermine feelings, or repeated threats and intimidation that instill fear.
Though it doesn’t leave visible scars, the effects of verbal abuse can be deeply damaging and long-lasting. Victims often experience anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, feelings of worthlessness, and emotional distress that can spill over into every area of life. Over time, repeated verbal attacks can erode a person’s identity and sense of safety, making them feel powerless and trapped.
Financial Abuse
Financial abuse is a controlling and often hidden form of domestic violence that uses money, assets, and financial decisions as tools to exert power over a partner or family member. It can include tactics like preventing someone from working or sabotaging their employment, taking their income, restricting access to bank accounts, hiding family finances, or forcing them to ask for money and justify every expense. Abusers may run up debts in the victim’s name, steal their credit cards, or refuse to contribute to household costs to create dependency and fear of poverty.
The consequences of financial abuse can be devastating and long-lasting. Victims often feel trapped because they lack resources to leave or fear homelessness and instability for themselves and their children. Even after escaping an abusive relationship, survivors may struggle with damaged credit, legal debts, and limited work history that make rebuilding their lives difficult. Financial abuse is rarely isolated; it frequently occurs alongside physical, emotional, or psychological abuse as part of a larger strategy to dominate and isolate the victim.
Sexual Abuse
Sexual abuse is a form of violence and control that uses sex and sexual acts to dominate, intimidate, and harm another person. It is far broader than rape alone; it includes any unwanted sexual contact, coercion, manipulation, or forced participation in sexual acts. This can involve pressuring a partner into sex when they don’t want to with either the abuser or with someone else in exchange for money, refusing to use protection, forcing someone to watch pornography, sexual humiliation, or threatening to share private images. It can also include reproductive coercion, such as sabotaging birth control or pressuring someone to become pregnant against their will.
Sexual abuse within intimate relationships is often misunderstood or minimized, but its effects can be profound and long-lasting. Survivors may experience feelings of shame, guilt, depression, anxiety, and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). They may also struggle with physical consequences, including unwanted pregnancy, injury and sexually transmitted infections. Sexual abuse doesn’t always happen alongside physical violence; it can be part of a broader pattern of emotional, psychological, and financial control.
Preparing to leave a Domestic Abuse Situation
After learning what domestic abuse looks like and the warning signs to watch for, it can be overwhelming to realize that it may be part of your own life or someone you care about. Remember, you don’t have to face this alone. But acknowledging that you are being abused is an important first step. Here’s what you can do next:
Reach out to a trusted friend, family member, coworker, counselor, or faith leader — anyone who will listen without judgment and offer support. Sharing what’s happening can help break the isolation that abuse creates and remind you that you do not have to face this alone. The people you reach out to can help you think through options, accompany you to appointments, or simply be there to listen and believe you.
Reach out for Help
Domestic violence hotlines, shelters, and advocacy organizations have trained staff who understand what you’re going through and can help you explore your options safely. The Dove Project offers a 24/7 confidential hotline, emergency shelter, counseling, and other vital resources designed to support you whenever you’re ready. Even if you’re unsure about leaving or what steps to take next, speaking with someone can help you feel less isolated and more empowered.
For a full list of the services and resources we offer, [click here]. For a list of other immediate services, [click here].
Contact professional support
Thinking ahead about how to stay safe can be empowering, even if you’re not ready to leave right now. A safety plan is a personalized guide to help you prepare for dangerous situations and plan what to do if you need to leave quickly. It might include identifying safe places you could go, keeping essential documents and important phone numbers in an accessible but secure location, and deciding who to contact in an emergency.
The Dove Project offers safety planning resources tailored to your unique situation, so you don’t have to do this alone. For a general safety plan, and a practical checklist on leaving an abusive situation, [click here].
Create a safety plan
If it feels safe to do so, keeping a detailed record of abusive incidents can be an important way to protect yourself. Documenting dates, times, descriptions of what happened, and any evidence—like photos of injuries, threatening messages, or damaged property—can be useful if you decide to seek legal protection or need to share your story with counselors or advocates. It can also help you recognize patterns and better understand the abuse you’re experiencing.
Always prioritize your safety when documenting. Use a secure place to keep your records, such as a password-protected digital file or a hidden notebook. Avoid letting the abuser find this information, as it could increase your risk. The Dove Project can guide you on how to document safely and how this information can support your path to safety.
Document what’s happening
Depending on your situation, there may be various legal protections available. Proper documentation can help you obtain necessary emergency interventions such as a restraining order, protective order, or custody arrangements. These legal measures can help limit contact with the abuser and provide a layer of safety for you and your loved ones.
Navigating the legal system can feel overwhelming, especially during a crisis. The Dove Project offers legal advocacy services to guide you through the process. Our advocates can help you understand your rights, assist with paperwork, and even accompany you to court if needed, ensuring you have support every step of the way.
For more detailed information on our legal advocacy and other support services, [click here].
Learn about legal options
Take Care of Yourself
Experiencing abuse can take a heavy toll on both your physical and emotional well-being. It’s important to prioritize self-care as part of your healing journey. This might mean seeking medical attention for any injuries, attending counseling or therapy to process your experiences, or joining support groups where you can connect with others who understand what you’re going through.
Remember, your feelings are valid, and healing takes time. Surround yourself with people who uplift and support you. Try to engage in activities that bring you peace and strength, whether it’s spending time in nature, practicing mindfulness, or pursuing hobbies you love. The Dove Project offers professional and peer counseling services designed to help survivors rebuild their confidence and emotional resilience.
Taking care of yourself isn’t selfish — it’s essential. Your well-being matters, and there is support available to help you every step of the way.
Victim Rights
As someone who has experienced domestic abuse, you have certain rights meant to protect your safety, dignity, and well-being. These rights can offer more than legal protection—they can help you find stability, support, and a path forward when everything feels uncertain. While every situation is unique, it is empowering to know that you don’t have to face this alone. Here’s a look at some of those rights.
Everyone deserves to live free from violence, fear, and intimidation. If you are experiencing abuse, you have the right to take action to protect yourself and your family. This might include seeking a protective order, finding a safe place to stay, or working with an advocate to create a personalized safety plan. Remember, your safety always comes first — and there are people and services ready to help you take that step.
Right to safety
Knowledge is empowering during times of crisis. You have the right to clear and, timely information about your legal options, protective measures, and local support services. You also have the right to be informed about any criminal or civil proceedings related to your case, so you can make informed choices about what comes next.
Right to Information
Your story matters, and the law recognizes that. You have the right to speak up in court, share the impact of abuse, and have your voice heard when decisions are made that affect your life and safety. This helps ensure the process remains fair and centered on your needs.
Right to Be Heard
No one has to face abuse alone. Victims have the right to access confidential support — including counseling, advocacy, emergency shelter, and other practical help. The Dove Project is here to walk alongside you with compassion and respect every step of the way.
Right to Support Services
Right to Privacy and Confidentiality
When you reach out for help, what you share will stay protected. Laws and ethical standards help ensure that information given to hotlines, shelters, counselors, and advocates remains private, so you can seek help without fear of unwanted disclosure.
Remember, you don’t have to face this alone. If you have questions or concerns about whether you’re in an abusive relationship, about your rights, or about Dove Project services, please visit our Resources tab for more information or reach out directly to the Dove Project. For immediate concerns or if you are in imminent danger, call 911 or contact the Dove Project at 325-372-4357— help is here when you need it most.