Abuse can leave survivors feeling alone, but having supportive people who listen, believe, and know how to help can make a big difference. Whether you need advice on how to assist, safety tips, or information about professional resources, this page provides guidance to support survivors without judgment while prioritizing their safety.
Supporting Survivors
Why Supporting Survivors Matters
Abuse can leave survivors feeling alone, blamed, or scared to speak up. Support from family, friends, and the community who listen, believe, and know how to help can make a huge difference in their healing and safety.
This page is for anyone who wants to support someone facing abuse—whether you're a family member, friend, partner, coworker, neighbor, or ally.
Here, you’ll discover why believing survivors is so important, how to provide emotional and practical support, and where to find reliable resources. Even small, thoughtful gestures can help someone feel less isolated and more empowered to make the best choices for themselves.
What Not to Do when Supporting Survivors
Supporting someone who has experienced abuse means knowing both how to help and what to avoid. Well-meaning actions can cause unintended harm, increase emotional distance, or add to someone’s risk. This section sheds light on common missteps, guiding you toward support that is genuinely safe, compassionate, and empowering.
Don’t Share their Story without Permission
Respecting a survivor’s privacy is essential—never share their story without their clear permission. Sharing their experience without consent can damage trust, cause emotional distress, and even increase their risk.
Always prioritize keeping their information private and let them decide who they want to share their story with. Supporting their right to privacy creates a safe space where they feel valued and empowered to share only when and what they’re comfortable with.
Blaming a survivor can deeply harm their emotional well-being and slow down their healing process. It's important to avoid questions or comments that suggest they are at fault for the abuse, like “Why did you stay if it was so bad?” or “What did you do to provoke them?” These types of remarks can leave survivors feeling guilty, ashamed, and misunderstood.
Instead, prioritize empathy and offer support without judgment. Always remember, the abuser is solely responsible for their actions, and your role is to stand by the survivor, believe them, and help them on their path to safety and recovery.
Avoid Putting Blame on Survivors
Avoid pushing survivors to take legal action before they’re ready. Deciding to involve law enforcement or pursue legal steps is highly personal and can feel overwhelming, especially when they’re still processing their experience or worried about their safety. Pressuring them might increase stress or fear and could harm trust.
Instead, provide information about their options and show your support for whatever they choose. Honoring their timeline and decisions helps them feel empowered and regain a sense of control, which is crucial for healing.
Empower, Don’t Pressure
Avoid Direct Confrontations with the Abuser
Don’t confront the abuser yourself, as it might escalate the situation and put you and the survivor in more danger. Abusers can react unpredictably or violently when challenged, which could make things worse instead of safer.
Focus on safety by encouraging survivors to reach out to trained professionals like law enforcement, counselors, or domestic violence advocates. Your role is to provide support and guidance, not to directly intervene with the abuser.
How to Offer Emotional Support to Survivors
Survivors of abuse often feel alone, blamed, or uncertain if anyone will genuinely hear them. Offering support can truly make a difference—not by solving everything, but by letting them know they are believed, valued, and not alone. How you listen, speak, and respond matters more than you might think.
Give survivors space to share their experience in their own words and on their own timeline. Show genuine interest with gentle, open‑ended questions like, “Do you feel comfortable telling me more?” so they know you truly care without pressuring them to reveal more than they’re ready for. Avoid interrupting or finishing their sentences, even if it feels supportive, and keep your focus on what they feel and what they want—not on what you think should happen next. Let them lead the conversation and respect both the pace and the amount they choose to share.
At the same time, recognize and acknowledge the survivor’s strength and resilience, which can help them feel seen and validated. You might gently suggest supportive communities, therapy, or creative outlets like writing or art to help them process their feelings. Remind them that recovery isn’t linear—it’s normal to have setbacks or mixed emotions—and that healing happens at their own pace.
Listen without judgment
Believe them and Validate their Feelings
Survivors often doubt themselves because of gaslighting or emotional manipulation that makes them question their own memories and feelings. Offering simple, direct statements like “I believe you,” “You didn’t deserve this,” or “What happened to you is not your fault” can be deeply healing and help rebuild their sense of trust and reality.
It’s also important to validate any feelings they share — whether it’s fear, anger, sadness, confusion, or even love and attachment toward the abuser. All of these emotions are normal responses to trauma, and letting them know it’s okay to feel what they feel can make them feel seen and supported.
Let them set the pace when it comes to sharing, healing, and making decisions. Healing from abuse and deciding what to do next can take time, and while it might feel urgent to act, pushing them to leave, report, or confront the abuser could backfire or even put them at greater risk.
Instead, focus on being a steady, non‑judgmental presence they can safely return to whenever they’re ready. Your patience and willingness to walk alongside them — rather than lead — can help them feel supported and empowered to make choices on their own terms.
Let them Set the Pace
Understand the Trauma Responses
Survivors may stay, return to the abuser, or feel deeply conflicted — this does not mean the abuse wasn’t real or serious. It often reflects the complex mix of fear, love, hope, and practical barriers that can keep someone in or returning to an abusive situation.
It helps to understand common trauma reactions like anxiety, numbness, guilt, or downplaying what happened. Learning about the cycle of abuse and recognizing that leaving can sometimes increase immediate danger can make you a more compassionate, informed source of support.
Even well-meaning questions like “Why didn’t you leave sooner?” or “Why didn’t you tell anyone sooner?” can feel blaming to survivors. These kinds of questions may unintentionally make them feel responsible for the abuse, which can deepen feelings of shame and isolation.
Instead, focus on what the abuser did, not on what the survivor did or didn’t do. Remember that the responsibility for abuse always lies with the abuser, and your role is to support and believe the survivor without judgment.
Avoid Blaming or Questioning
Ask open-ended questions like, “What do you feel safest doing next?” or “How can I best support you right now?” to help survivors express their needs and make decisions on their own terms. These questions show respect for their autonomy and create a space where they feel heard without pressure. It’s important to offer information about professional resources such as national hotlines as well as local shelters, counseling centers, and legal aid services. Providing these options empowers survivors to seek help when they’re ready.
Always respect if they’re not prepared to take that step immediately, but let them know the resources are available whenever they need them. Sharing trusted organizations like The Dove Project, which offers specialized support for survivors, can be especially helpful. Encourage survivors to save these important numbers somewhere safe and outside of their devices to protect their privacy and security. Having access to this information ahead of time can provide comfort and a sense of control during difficult moments.
Stay Available and Consistent
When possible offer practical support by accompanying survivors to appointments, legal aid meetings, or court dates, and by helping with childcare, rides, or paperwork. You can also assist by keeping copies of important documents in a safe place and researching housing, legal, or financial aid options together and reaching out to organizations with them to create a personalized safety plan. These tangible acts of help can ease overwhelming tasks and show you’re truly there for them in concrete ways.
At the same time, let survivors know you care about them even if they pull away or return to the abusive situation. Your steady, nonjudgmental presence can be a vital source of comfort, reminding them they’re not alone no matter what choices they make. Check in gently with messages like, “I’m still here if you need to talk,” and be patient—building trust takes time, and your quiet support can mean more than you realize.
Help them Explore Options
Your support can make a profound difference in a survivor’s healing journey. By listening without judgment, offering practical help, and respecting their choices, you show them they’re not alone—and that can mean everything.
If you’d like to learn more about how the Dove Project can help, [click here]. For immediate resources like National, State and Local hotlines, [click here]. Your care and compassion truly matter.